After only three weeks, former pop star Britney Spears has pulled the plug on yet another assistant. I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, the clashes between Brit and her staff have a lot more to do with Brit and her dysfunctional lifestyle than the people she hires to keep it under control. After all, she even handed her cousin/BFF Alli Sims the pink slip a few weeks ago.
Since she's now on the market for a new minion, I started thinking about what my life would be like if I were Brit's assistant...
If I were Britney Spears' assistant, my life would be like one big manic-depressive rollercoaster! From taking care of JJ and SPF to warding off calls from K-Fed's attourneys, life would be a whirlwind of trailer trash adventure.
I imagine we'd braid each other's hair (extensions), get bikini waxes, and prance around naked in women's apparel fitting rooms together. We'd chew gum, gossip about boys, and walk around barefoot all day long. While Brit peed with the door open, I'd beg any media outlet to report something positive about my new boss. But alas, the effort would indeed prove to be futile.
According to a source, Britney fired her latest assistant Shannon Funk because “Britney thought she was talking badly about her. She was very rude and Britney felt she was letting business emails fall by the wayside.” I would never talk badly about Britney unless I was certain a hefty paycheck would land in mybank account. I wouldn't be rude unless she was drunk or medicated enough to ensure she wouldn't remember my outburst, and I would always, always handle the one business e-mail she gets per week.
The best part about being Britney Spears' personal assistant would be all of the free pictures I'd get taken of myself. I'd never have to carry a camera! I'd get pictures of myself getting some Starbucks, pumping gas, holding back a major pop star's hair while she pukes, and more!
This is all starting to sound super appealing-- I'm going to be putting in a call to Brit's people tonight. Look for me on Perez!
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