Excuse my language, but seriously, the Spears family has gone too far. Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant. As if her sister's sad and pathetic state wasn't warning enough, Jamie Lynn went out and got herself knocked up at sixteen years old. Seriously, is this some massive and elaborately staged prank? Has the past year been the Spears' family's way of saying 'GOTCHA!' to the world? Because I think I would believe that faster than I would believe the events of the past year. Jamie Lynn's pregnancy is the icing in the trainwreck cake!
The facts are these. Jamie Lynn Spears, soon-to-be former star of the hit Nickelodeon show, 'Zoey 101' is knocked up. The baby daddy is her live-in 19-year-old average Joe boyfriend Casey Aldridge who she met, wait for it, at church!
My question is this: Who in the backwoods, redneck hell taught Jamie and Lynn Spears how to be parents??? Did they do their mommy and me classes in a meth lab? WTF is wrong with their kids? Their children make me ashamed to be a human being! Honestly! I am ashamed to be a person because of the Spears girls' unbelievable behavior. And to top it off, Mama Spears took little Jamie Lynn to see 'Juno' this Monday in NYC! 'Juno' of all movies! Someone take mama and pop-pop out back and eliminate them from the gene pool. Please!
Anyway, depending on who you ask, Jamie Lynn is either 3 or 5 months into this pregnancy, and in classic Spears style, she's already whoring out her kid for cash. She's currently on the cover of 'OK' Magazine and once the baby's born she'll receive $1 million for a photo shoot. She's going to need it because her 'career' is over. Nickelodeon doesn't do 'knocked up,' sweetie! You's a Lifetime ho now! Goodbye Zoey 101, Hello Sixteen and Pregnant!
This is a sad, sad day. I think that all of us carried a little torch of hope that the Spears crazy was confined to Britney and that little Jamie Lynn would be our chance for a brighter future. It is my sad duty, my friends, to let you know that that torch has gone out. Turns out Jamie Lynn is just another pill poppin', booze swillin', boy bangin' trainwreck just like her big sis. Ain't family grand, ya'all?!
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