Britney Jean Spears. Is there anything you can do right? Someone (a genius) has leaked an audio clip of Britney's live, unaltered voice to the internets. It's audio from a Brit concert in 2001 and boy is it a treat! I have never heard singing this bad before-- and I've watched nearly every season of American Idol. Seriously William Hung has better chops than BS! Homegirl is panting, screeching, and what sounds like belching her way through her greatest hits! She has no ability to perform live, which leads me into my next question...
Why oh why is she even famous in the first place? I mean I get it now; who can resist the beautiful train wreck she has become. But why did she get so big to being with? You can't even call what she does in this clip 'singing,' and once she stopped being able to dance she really doesn't have anything else to offer except for an after picture of what happens when you drink 3 frappaccinos a day.
Speaking of people who shouldn't be famous... Let's just lay it all out there right now. Let's call it Lauren's List of Losers. Yes, that has a nice ring to it.
Here they are, in no particular order, the Hollyweird folk who should have their famous cards revoked, cut up, and put into collections. Did I take that metaphor too far?
-Jessica Biel-- You weren't good in 7th Heaven and I defy anyone to actually name a movie you were in. Also, you have man arms. Zing!
-Eva Longoria- You're not hot. You aren't a good actress. And again, not hot. Did anyone see the last episode of Desperate Housewives where she disguised herself as a teenage boy? A little too convincing! What business does someone who can easily pass as a male child with just a shirt and a hat have at the top of any 'hot' list?! I'm talking to you, Maxim!
-Zac Efron- Aw sweet little Zacquiesha. You didn't think I was going to let you get away, did you? You are a useless waste of screen time. You didn't do your own singing in HSM, your singing in HSM2 was atrosh, and that little mini ponytail has GOT.TO.GO! Lay off the foundation, would ya? Find a marketable skill or talent and maybe you'll get off the list one day. Maybe.
Ugh! Now I'm mad! Now I gotta go listen to "Blackout" while shopping for chandeliers online. Oh Brit!!
