I Guess E! Gives Anyone a Show These Days

Tonight I caught the series premieres of Living Lohan and Denise Richards: It's Complicated. It's actually not all that complicated. Neither Denise Richards nor Dina Lohan live on the planet earth anymore. Instead, both ladies reside on Mars or wherever else it's deemed acceptable to lead the lives they do.

Let's start with Denise. Unfortunately, Denise's looks are about the prettiest things about her. She's pretty shallow, doesn't seem to be a very attentive mom (she's got 10 dogs, 3 cats, and 3 pigs to care about!), and her only concern is bashing her ex(es) on national television. She's making it oh-so-easy to side with Charlie Sheen as far as the 'he said, she said' goes. Denise keeps saying that she's "not just the Bond girl" or "not just the girl from Wild Things." If you're not that girl, Denise, then why do you keep bringing it up???? The only redeeming moment of the entire vapid, senseless, un-entertaining episode was the tender moment Denise shared with her father who recently moved in after the death of her mother. It's obvious that Denise cares a lot about her family, but boy does homegirl curse like a sailor!

Now onto the Lohans! I knew I didn't want to go on a 'Lohan Holiday!' Those people are CRAZY! Talk about bad parenting! Dina Lohan left her 14-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son at home alone with a 25-year-old stranger who she met ONLINE! Dina, what are you thinking?! Oh wait, she's not. She spends every waking moment either online reading PerezHilton or at her kitchen table reading tabloids. She even calls home when she's out running errands and has her assistant scour the internet for stories about her. Here's a tip: why don't you try not reading it at all! You know what they say; 'garbage in, garbage out!'

And don't worry, I'll be taking my own advice and trying not to watch these trainwreck reality shows for the rest of the season.

I think the biggest culprits in all of this are Ryan Seacrest and the E! channel. They're the ones that saw fit for this drivel to infiltrate my life. They know that I'll watch anything, and this is just punishment for my television promiscuity! What I don't understand is how they've tried to make the entire Living Lohan show about Lindsay without ever having anything more than a mantel photo of her on the show. Can you say grabbing at straws!? Ugh. I am disgusted with them, and I'm disgusted with myself for watching tonight, knowing that I'm going to watch next week, and writing about it right now.

Hold me.